We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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