Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
