I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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