I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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