you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
