Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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