Don't make out with my wife yet
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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