cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize