Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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