I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
