And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
