did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
