Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
