There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
