That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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