you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
