It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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