The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize