we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
