when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
