last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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