didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
