I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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