never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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