It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This house was built for laser tag.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
