Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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