i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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