Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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