she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
