Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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