Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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