doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
