just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
