what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
