i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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