would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
