If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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