Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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