Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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