I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
soo... how was my night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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