So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
