There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
