Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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