For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wear drunk well.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize