Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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