I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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