oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
