after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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