The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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