Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
