What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
