she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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