good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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