Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
