remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
