I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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