You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
