I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
