Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
